Life In Progress

I will not confuse my career with my life.

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Turns out I’m a lazy blogger…

I really thought I would have so much to say about my experience at Kripalu. After all, I had to quit my job to make time available to take yoga teacher training, be away from home for four weeks straight and then actually complete the course work successfully. I should have had feelings to express, observations to make and progress to report on. Now, after a few days home, the time is turning into a blur with a few highlights and lowlights.

There were many unique individuals in the class, resulting in more than a few amusing events during my time at the former ashram. These events might have even have been “blog-worthy.” But at the end of the day, when I had nearly thirty luxurious minutes to myself, all I wanted to do was review my notes, shower and prepare for the next day (which started with 6:30 sadhana, six days a week,) then fall into bed (only to toss and turn) until 5:30 the next morning.

My journal isn’t much help here, either, in providing clues to my days. It appears to have plenty of doodles, names of a few books I think I should read, some poetry and a few ideas for class plans. Not much in the way of bloggish material that my family or friends would care to read.

I have always needed time to myself to reflect on the people and events around me. Usually quick to make decisions, I may seem to many people as if I’m right on top of things in my life. The full schedule at Kripalu made me feel like my nostrils were barely above water: Some days I felt I was holding my breath, ducking and swimming feverishly like a driven being. On a mission. Looking for the shortest path between there and here.

Would I ever find a way to slow it down and really taste the experience?

Absolutely. The moments I savored most thoroughly were during sadhana (yoga class.) My underlying reason for this whole undertaking was my desire to deepen my experience with both asana and the spiritual, philosophical side of my practice. The time “between thoughts” during sadhana and meditation gave me space to integrate what I’d learned and experienced. Practicing in a room with 60 inspiring yoginis and yogis, sadhana provided both the “alone time” I needed to organize my thoughts and a refreshed perspective on activities and learning.

Mission accomplished. And it seems that the journey is just starting to get interesting.

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A potential snag.

All my lists are groomed minutely. My pleasure has always been in the details. Things are going so smoothly and I’m charged up as hell to be heading off to Stockbridge this weekend. Just a few final tasks and appointments remain, all very routine. Tuesday morning I would handily dispatch that yearly appointment with the doctor and be about the rest of my business.

But something unusual appeared in my examination. Amazing how details can turn mundane events into slow motion movie clips that my mind replays over and over. And over. A few phone calls later, an appointment with a specialist was secured and records were transferred. Last night I resisted the temptation of a Google-search of my particular problem, I am proud to say. Instead, I had a good, healthy cry and a sound night’s sleep. Awoke with fresh determination to make the best of whatever was coming.

Now, 36 hours later, I can relax knowing my problem isn’t serious. This is my second time getting a “new lease on life” in that department. I’m no stranger to mammograms, (expletives bubble from my core at the sensory memories), ultrasound tests, needle biopsies, etc. I’m grateful to be surrounded by excellent and compassionate healthcare professionals who can, today, put my mind at ease.

So tomorrow I will get back to the not-so-serious, yet consuming busy-ness of getting ready for my month at Kripalu.

Routine automobile maintenance looms. (gulp)